How to Make Your Kid Hate Soccer

First, start at a young age where the frustration level is high and the attention span is really low. Two and half is suitable and so we will use Austin as an example.

Second, begin by teaching the child how to deliver nice, swift kicks. This is helpful to the game but will also begin to tire the youngster quickly.

Next, teach the kid to dribble the ball. Quite a difficult skill for a 2 year old, so failure and frustration are sure to set in quickly.

Then, have the kid practice kicking to a large target. This will lift the spirits of the child and help him feel successful and capable right before....





...you give him the absolute smallest goal you can find that will still allow the ball to enter between the posts.

Come on Austin, we know you can do it! Just a little further kiddo. Isn't soccer fun???

Yeah, buddy, it's in there. Too bad you can't see that without having to bend over. Who are your parents and why do they torture you so?

"I'm outta here! I hear the neighbors have a soccer net and it has to be better than that ridiculous thing."


Obviously I'm just kidding. Austin had a great time playing soccer the other day and didn't even notice that we gave him a torturously small goal. We are thinking of enrolling him in a fall soccer program because he is actually really into soccer right now. He is constantly saying, "nice shot" and even the occasional "gooooal." It is just too cute!